Can't remember...

It’s 2010, 2 years from the last time, I remember the call. 

I answered and we talked.

Trivial stuff, that burnt down the time,

 before the real subject was reached.

But that never really happened, did it?

The call ended with obligatory words of affection.
Never heard your voice again. 

Tell me I don't think of you, every single day, and I would call you a liar.

I am older and more cynical now, my trust is gone.

I wish you had spared me,

in the beginning.

All that time... lost now.

Used and abused in a special sort of way.

No anger, but you knew.

2011 Edit

another year passed and I wish you could read this. 

Maybe I wrote it with a vague idea that you might one day.

It will tell you that I hurt, but I will be fine.

2012 Edit

4 years on and
You are still haunting the back recesses.
of my mind.
I wonder why you said the words
That made me hope.
 Cowards way out said so much that wasn't,
But I was just as guilty. I should have...

You burned me out, but I forgive.
There is no reason to remember the good times,
 Few and far between weren't they?
I was left empty and alone

2018 Edit

Its been a long time,

10 years hey?

Do you ever wonder? 

I like to think, hope, that

 maybe you've found this blog somehow

Maybe you read a few stories, 

maybe it put your mind at ease

If it was troubled, I don't know.

I probably stopped writing here because

 the past is just the past

 and I...

Don't owe it or anyone, including you, anything.

The people I love are here and doors need to be shut,

Some things are better left behind. 

2023 Edit

Maybe I made it so that you would be able to read this. I haven't decided whether I will or not.

 Just know that if I did direct you here Its not to hurt. or to hate, It's Just a return to sender, 

Life is good.

~ Alana