Wasting time

Can't say the job has been going great...some of those feelings from last year of just packing it up and doing what I like have come back. Its very nice to have that option. I guess we will see what happens, but I have that old conflict where I see the work ahead and the money to be had and I bite my tongue once again. It will be busy and I am ready for it as far as my health goes, scars are doing good and all that.....just checked my email and have another 5 sites to spot so the total to build this fall/winter sits at 8 and believe me that is a busy build program with more to come...lots of companies promise big programs but they always seem to fall short.

I was disappointed when I started smoking after the hospital stay, but I got on a Champix perscription and it seems to be really kicking in, the need isn't there anymore, but the habit and needing my hands be busy remains. I don't find it enjoyable anymore, I try not to think of it in numbers but I am down a lot and would say its around half a pack or less a day. Some of the stress from work in last month really kicked my ass and I will need to work on that...smoking is not the answer. One good thing is that I won't be turning to food, the diabetes prevents that...no sugar and constantly watching the labels has me eating much better. It is hard, never realized how much crap I used to eat because it was easy and convenient.

Its nice to not worry about money so much, I knew this would be the outcome, but I still miss her every now and then, wonder how things have turned out for her...but it was a messed up situation and I was to blame because I enabled it for so long. It will be 2 years in December. Maybe another year and my future is wide open...