Testy...in all things subliminal.

Early morning Test Flare, West Central Alberta

I am expecting a slow down, (hopefully). We (the oil company I work for) have 2 drilling rigs going in Alberta, one will be leaving soon and a 3rd has already been released from a location in British Columbia.

It's hard to stay ahead of them and still have a reasonable amount of ...well "Life". I will be glad to get a month or two to wind down. Just chill...I don't know if it will work that way, I know it wouldn't hurt my feelings any.

Somehow we seem to put our worth in the job we do, how busy we are and how much or how little we sacrifice to make money. I know I have said it before: The oilfield life is hard for others to understand. The time away from family and friends...heck I can't even say I have many friends outside of work. My family understands because I grew up with a father that was away from home just as much if not more than I am now. New family not so much. It is very hard on relationships, and its hard for those that grew up in a 9 to 5 home to have to say goodbye for weeks or even months at a time. Its foreign, its alien.

I had a milestone birthday this past summer and some questions I have been secretly asking myself have been on my mind more than ever. Is this worth it? Am I greedy? Is there any life change I can make that will allow a "normal" life? Can the oilpatch survive and do my job without me? I say that last one tongue in cheek because I already know the answer. That's what it all boils down to though isn't it? If I say no to the next job...I want to take a month off, I want scheduled days off, I want to be able to plan a better life...won't I just get replaced and loose my place in line by some other schmuck who will do it better and with less demands than I would make?

I hate... I absolutely loath some of the people that do the same work as I do. They are greedy...and egotistical. They will stab you in the back to get a step ahead. They will slag your work. Whiny small minded bitches that like to brag.

I hate that I am becoming that.

Doing something because it's hard...not easy

In case some were wondering I am still plucking away on my Banjo "Lonesome". I'm learning a bit more every time I sit down with her. It has been a difficult yet interesting experience so far.

I'm coming at it from zero musical ability. I'm not even sure if I am doing anything right, I could even be tone deaf, I just don't know. The sense of satisfaction when I finally learn a lick or a short tune is good though and makes my happy. I know a bit of dueling banjos, I learned the G Lick enough to do it eyes closed and I know most of the rolls; finally cracking the secret of the alternating thumb roll last week made me ecstatic. If you understand what I just related you will find it very odd that I know the G lick yet don't know the very basic finger picking patterns. And that is why:

I need lessons. Even on my own I have had to beat out some bad habits that started almost immediately. One example is that I had read or heard that the little finger on the right hand should be anchored...well the bottom of the bridge seemed like a good place for the bugger to stay. Turns out that is wrong and will mute the full sound of possibilities. Trying to relearn what I had learned with a different little finger position set me back a long ways but its good now. I really do need lessons, scheduled one on one would be great but is impossible with my current job.

 I got a beginner lesson book when I bought Lonesome but found that it can only take me so far if I can't hear what it is supposed to sound like. My next source of learning material was Youtube, and that works to a degree, but little things such as exercises, proper hand position ect....are not always taught properly. Though there are some very good instructors on Youtube, what I have found was that most of the them will only show a little as an enticement to get me to buy a lesson or program. I ended up buying some online lessons. I settled on the Tony Trisckha School of Banjo. It is an online program that could take me from beginner to more advance playing if I wanted. It seems alright so far, there are video lessons with tabs, then when I feel up to it I can record my playing on webcam and have Tony or another teacher actually critique it and give me pointers on how to improve.

Of course as with anything worth doing well, it takes perseverance and practice to get better. That is what I am lacking the most right now and it is disappointing to me. I am happy in the sense that I have not given up, but there are gaps when I just don't pick Lonesome up enough, in my opinion.

As I sit here at work watching the equipment move dirt back and forth there seems like no time like the present to set a few more goals, so here s one: In 6 months I want to know a whole song...not some simple little tune, but a substantial song that shows some progression.