Better things,

So this is that global warming...oops I mean "Climate Change"...(have to get my politically correct euphemisims in order)...that everyone including one Dr "insert foreign model two-wheeled mode of transportation" has been ranting about? Strange, seems like winter to me. Wasn't it just a few years ago that 'El Nino was everything the future had in store for us....I don't know, sure looks like winter and we have been getting a lot of it lately

Can't remember...

It’s 2010, 2 years from the last time, I remember the call. 

I answered and we talked.

Trivial stuff, that burnt down the time,

 before the real subject was reached.

But that never really happened, did it?

The call ended with obligatory words of affection.
Never heard your voice again. 

Tell me I don't think of you, every single day, and I would call you a liar.

I am older and more cynical now, my trust is gone.

I wish you had spared me,

in the beginning.

All that time... lost now.

Used and abused in a special sort of way.

No anger, but you knew.

2011 Edit

another year passed and I wish you could read this. 

Maybe I wrote it with a vague idea that you might one day.

It will tell you that I hurt, but I will be fine.

2012 Edit

4 years on and
You are still haunting the back recesses.
of my mind.
I wonder why you said the words
That made me hope.
 Cowards way out said so much that wasn't,
But I was just as guilty. I should have...

You burned me out, but I forgive.
There is no reason to remember the good times,
 Few and far between weren't they?
I was left empty and alone

2018 Edit

Its been a long time,

10 years hey?

Do you ever wonder? 

I like to think, hope, that

 maybe you've found this blog somehow

Maybe you read a few stories, 

maybe it put your mind at ease

If it was troubled, I don't know.

I probably stopped writing here because

 the past is just the past

 and I...

Don't owe it or anyone, including you, anything.

The people I love are here and doors need to be shut,

Some things are better left behind. 

2023 Edit

Maybe I made it so that you would be able to read this. I haven't decided whether I will or not.

 Just know that if I did direct you here Its not to hurt. or to hate, It's Just a return to sender, 

Life is good.

~ Alana 

ummm...ya okay...so that worked out great

Been on the job since December 27, this has been a busy run so far. I don't know if I have another week or another month to go, but surprisingly I'll just keep going as long as it lasts, that's the mindset I am in at the moment. I don't care.

I had to re-new some safety tickets last week, I don't know if I am stupid or just honest, but I didn't charge my time out even though I still came out in the morning and again after the course was over in the afternoon. Still did the paperwork at night and was still responsible for everything. I just feel that if its not a full days work that its wrong to charge for it. So ya I guess I'm stupid...3 days lost to courses. I had to take Standard First Aid Level A with CPR and on the 3rd day I had to take H2S Alive, all good courses and mandatory if you work in the oil and gas industry. My next ticket to expire is Ground Disturbance Level 2 but that's not until October of this year.

The Youtube channel and the blog has been getting a little bigger, I signed up for Adsense last summer and Youtube has offered to revenue share 4 videos so far. I made my first $114 cheque back on December 17 and since then have accrued another $70, not bad for a month and like they say its better than a kick in the teeth. Adsense pays out once $100 is reached or monthly if its more than that. I have been tracking it and it seems like for me anyway that a potential $1.50-4.00  a day is possible right now. Its not much and some of the big partners are able to quit their day jobs. Well almost, where would the content come from if it wasn't for work?

I am still feeling a bit lost, like I mentioned in the previous post this job is not enjoyable right now, I hate the water hole aspect of things. The timing and the process is stressful and aggravating. It all combines and overlaps into every other part of the job. I really don't know if the input equals the output... on my life that is. Financially this is the best its ever been. I know this is the way out...hopefully its worth it.

Go big or go home...

I hate water, I hate holes, I hate water-holes.

I can't believe the trouble and intracacies that such a simple thing like a water pit can create. They have to hold water...simple...no? It has to be clean water, so throw a liner in it...oh there are different thicknesses, there are different textures to the liners? And that hole you are digging is frigging huge...estimate the price, but the volumes change and every pit is a one-off  custom deal. Make sure the pit doesn't fail, make sure there is no ground water coming up from the bottom, and if it leaks you are in big trouble because you supervised the installation...something goes wrong, do you think the installer can be reached or even return your call after the fact...think they would show the slightest bit of interest in your dilema? Probably not...you are on your own...don't you wish you had a simple job that paid well and there was no responsibilty or phone calls at the end of the day? Are you even able to put it out of your mind? Or does it hang on the edge of your being until the year is up and you finally get reclaim and bury the damn thing forever. Only 10 more holes to go...give or take.