Another post from the past, pre-blog

Looking through some old papers I found another Facebook Notes piece (writing if you can call it) that I had done for friends back in 2008. I like the process of thinking something through, putting it on paper...I think I express emotion and feelings better that way. If somebody randomly asks "How's life?" or "Whats going on in your mind?" I will seldom have an answer. This essay was done in an attempt to summarize what my life had been like to that point. I will do a postscript at the end...things do change.

So I am 35 and this is life (Monday April 14, 2008)
When you were a kid did you ever wonder what your life would be like when you were older? I did. There are milestones in mine where I can think back and pinpoint the "What could have been's".   


Like Grade 5. I missed something basic in math that set my life on a track that ensured I would have very little to fear from the arithmetic demons, but it also closed some doors. I wanted to be a geologist but knew instinctively that my math scores would never be high enough to enter university.


Or how about the girl in school I never had the guts to ask out? There was one and there are very few days I don't wonder what became of her, she was my friend. I wish we had kept in touch.


In my relationship now I really don't know where I stand. There are times when I feel like taking the selfish route, tell her I'm done, but I know I can't let myself be the one to end it. So I plod on, but feel good that I have helped when she needs me.


Then there were the seemingly simple choices: I remember being 19, working in a bush camp operating heavy equipment and realized I had a piss-pot full of money and 2 choices: Take 6 months off and travel to New Zealand or buy a new pick-up. Sadly I chose the truck; it's gone now and the memories of New Zealand never were.


It's not all bad though, right out of high school I found a trade that I liked and became adept at it. It has been good to me and although the job description has changed I still love it. Some go their whole lives never finding a niche or feeling useful, but I do.


I am worried about the future and realize that now is the time to lay down some roots, start thinking about retirement. Laugh if you will but conventional thinking says I have only another 30 years to get my shit together.


Postscript:


Still love the job despite my grousing on here occasionally. On my 6th pick-up truck...it never ends.
The Girl of 12 years {Whatever that was} ended 7 months later. Haven't seen or spoken to her since. I have my PG now and don't look back. I took steps to put down those roots...the future looks good.


Thanks for reading everyone, I'm having fun.


Jeff 

Flame Wars and Tree-Hugging Hippies

The following entry has some mature content...so if you are easily offended please feel free to find your reading material elsewhere. That said I wanted to do a a little blurb on the hazards of putting anything online for the world to see. In my case it is the Youtube videos that I do every so often. I started the videos just to show a few friends and family what I was up to. It has grown since then and while I am not a well known youtuber like some, I do get a few thousand views each month and make some coin doing it.

With Youtube I get viewers from all over with varied backgrounds and political leanings. Some make themselves and their views, whatever they may be, known by commenting on the videos. Some viewers comment respectfully and ask smart questions that I am more than happy to answer. Some are Youtube pros and want everyone to know how good they are. Some comments are funny or sad, illogical or down right intriguing. But then there are the keyboard commando's, faceless stalkers, cyber bullies and trash of the internet that feel it is their duty to put you in your place...assuming they know your background, likes and dislikes or how smart you are based on the content they find online.

When I first started on Youtube I was one of those pros that thought they could make one snarky comment to prove my point and make the other user look like a dumb-ass. I think over the years I have grown a little and now see that it is a losers game that makes nobody happy with the outcome. As a publisher of online commentary I have found that block tools and comment moderation can be my best friends. I rarely get into flame wars anymore...live and let live. I just don't respond. But every once in a while....I get someone who pushes my button.

One note before I go on: The following is a comment that I responded to that was posted last night on a video I made called "Oilfield Logging". Now I'm not necessarily racist or bigoted, as a matter of fact I had to wiki search the words that some may find offensive. Its a matter of hate what you know, see or hear and quite frankly I didn't grow up in an environment that had many of this particular ethnic group. So here it is:

those are really cute machines you got, but i want you to remember one thing every time you kill a tree with that machine. for every tree you kill, you put one more nail in the coffin of death of this planet. that makes you and every person that cuts down a tree a fuck'n asshole. just so you know the planet has been raped of 80% of it's forest. that's fuck'n horrible. so every time you cut a tree down, remember that you are a fuck'n asshole, maybe even a dickhead. WE NEED TREES YOU PRICK.

odmcarp 14 hours ago

Reply

@odmcarp Thank you for that insightful yet incoherent rant. It might interest you to know that I have personally cut and burned more trees than you have ever seen, true no lie, I even video it so that informed tree-huggers like yourself can get enjoyment from it. "but i(tie) want you to remember one thing: remember you are a fuck'n asshole, maybe even a (dago)dickhead" awww... but I'm just fuck'n wit cha.., I'll be sure to give your opinion some thoughtful consideration... yeah right.

CDNcatskinner 3 hours ago

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I'm not saying what I did was right, it was wrong, but sometimes it feels good to burn them after they have attacked my livelihood and me as a person...and I'm going to burn them, I will go to their page/channel, find out who they are what they do...if they are stupid enough to leave their recent activity open I'm going to use that too...fair warning dummy.

Passing through Ponoka...

 I'm near Ponoka Alberta this week building a new oil well. Ponoka is a sleepy town a little east of Hwy #2 between Lacombe and Wetaskiwin. Hwy # 2 was rebuilt a few decades ago and it bypassed so many little towns in the area. You can really see it in the downtown cores. They are getting older and really only serve the needs of the local population. If not for a few wrong turns while trying to gather up a package I was expecting, I would not have even seen the downtown or knew it was there.

 The big box stores don't go to the little places like Ponoka although the Super 8 motel and the new  Extra Foods grocery store can be found on the outskirts... Ponoka it seems is suffering from its own form of urban sprawl while the downtown dies. Its actually a pleasure to work out of this town. No rush in the morning trying to get on the highway and its almost like they shut off the lights and roll up the streets at night

Ponoka would be a hoot in the summer I think. Its claim to fame is the "Ponoka Stampede" and it must be big if the size of the facility is any indication. Ponoka is also the site where the Alberta provincial mental health hospital is located...I got more than a few jibes from co-workers when I told them I would be going to Ponoka for a week. "Its about time" was just one of the remarks levelled in my direction.

Too fast...

I woke up to the sound of screaming and it wasn't my own. I was confused and it took a moment to figure out that I was a passenger in the backseat of a green 1978 Ford station wagon. Looking out the window revealed a dusky mountainous landscape passing by at an alarming rate. Downhill, with hairpin turns, I could hear rubber tires fighting for purchase on a gravel shoulder and feel the centrifugal force pushing me towards the door as the car desperately tries to stay on the road. The screaming up front didn't stop and that quick mental calculation that I am sure we can all do came up with only one solution: Car travelling way too fast to make this corner or even the next...and its a long way down over the edge. I am going to die,  a sick gut wrenching feeling comes over me. I'm going to die and I don't make a sound. I look to my left at the empty bench seat...

Then I wake up. Damn. I wonder what the hell this one meant.