Another post from the past, pre-blog

Looking through some old papers I found another Facebook Notes piece (writing if you can call it) that I had done for friends back in 2008. I like the process of thinking something through, putting it on paper...I think I express emotion and feelings better that way. If somebody randomly asks "How's life?" or "Whats going on in your mind?" I will seldom have an answer. This essay was done in an attempt to summarize what my life had been like to that point. I will do a postscript at the end...things do change.

So I am 35 and this is life (Monday April 14, 2008)
When you were a kid did you ever wonder what your life would be like when you were older? I did. There are milestones in mine where I can think back and pinpoint the "What could have been's".   


Like Grade 5. I missed something basic in math that set my life on a track that ensured I would have very little to fear from the arithmetic demons, but it also closed some doors. I wanted to be a geologist but knew instinctively that my math scores would never be high enough to enter university.


Or how about the girl in school I never had the guts to ask out? There was one and there are very few days I don't wonder what became of her, she was my friend. I wish we had kept in touch.


In my relationship now I really don't know where I stand. There are times when I feel like taking the selfish route, tell her I'm done, but I know I can't let myself be the one to end it. So I plod on, but feel good that I have helped when she needs me.


Then there were the seemingly simple choices: I remember being 19, working in a bush camp operating heavy equipment and realized I had a piss-pot full of money and 2 choices: Take 6 months off and travel to New Zealand or buy a new pick-up. Sadly I chose the truck; it's gone now and the memories of New Zealand never were.


It's not all bad though, right out of high school I found a trade that I liked and became adept at it. It has been good to me and although the job description has changed I still love it. Some go their whole lives never finding a niche or feeling useful, but I do.


I am worried about the future and realize that now is the time to lay down some roots, start thinking about retirement. Laugh if you will but conventional thinking says I have only another 30 years to get my shit together.


Postscript:


Still love the job despite my grousing on here occasionally. On my 6th pick-up truck...it never ends.
The Girl of 12 years {Whatever that was} ended 7 months later. Haven't seen or spoken to her since. I have my PG now and don't look back. I took steps to put down those roots...the future looks good.


Thanks for reading everyone, I'm having fun.


Jeff